So, as a lot of older teens are probably doing right now, I went to a college open house with my friend Ann to see if it was right for her. Road trip! It was for my friend though, not me. No colleges for me. I didn’t apply to any for personal reasons that I may or may not get to in this post.
So anyway, we went to college because my best friend wants to go into some form of pharmacy and they have an excellent pharmacy program, Uconn that is, Go Huskies! Well, we went because she’s really leaning towards this school, or at least I hope she is because the program seems really good for her. Smaller classes and she already has a friend in the program. It seems good.
But here’s the sad part for me. As we were driving home I was sitting in the back of her sisters car. And the closer we got to home, the more I felt like crying. I felt like sobbing. I felt like crying so hard and saying, “Don’t go, don’t leave. Please.” The campus wa samazing, the people were happy and the sun was shining. But I can’t stand the thought of her going. She’s just…my entire support system. She’s just my best friend.
I see what other people call their “best friends”. One day they chat and laugh together, the next day they stab each other in the back for a stupid comment, shared crush or simple disagreement. I see it everyday, people pointing someone out and saying “She used to be my best friend”.
But here’s the thing with me and Ann. We’re different than each other. We have different personalities, different types of boys we like, different friend groups, different styles in general. We’ve been best friends for ten years. It could be magic that we have been friends for so long, but I don’t think it is. We know when either of us needs space. We know when the other needs a shoulder to cry on and we know when we want to be giggly, flirty girls. We know each other. We let each other grow without strangling. She’s my rock.
I encouraged her to go to Uconn, to go and have that great college experience. She deserves the world.
The program she wants to enter takes six years. SIX years. That’s a long way from home, in a strange new place for her. But she would get used to it, make new friends, live a new life. All through the trip I kept saying I would visit, sleep on her floor and do her laundry while she was off being smart. It just made me sad to say, after awhile. I knew this trip was going to make my heart hurt. I knew it was going to make me feel sad. But the depth of hurt that hit me while I was in the back of the car with her was awful.
I would give anything to go with her, to be by her side, to not grow up. Stay kids with her forever. All we have ever known together is childhood. We haven’t experiences being adults together. She’s going to grow into an adult without me and I without her.
I’m not going to ignore my feeling of loss when she goes, but I’m not going to make her feel guilty for going either. She needs to feel confident when she leaves. But in the back of that car when we where going home and all I could think of to say was “It’s good to be home.” I think she felt the sadness too, cause all she said was “I hope college doesn’t change me.”
All I hope is that it doesn’t change us. I hope and pray for her, and i know she’s going to be fine. This is a selfish post. But a post I need to let fly from my heart. Thanks for reading.